Have you ever been in one of those moods where it feels like a perpetual gray cloud is hovering over you? Who am I kidding, of course you have! We all have, and not just at one point in life, but many times. And when you are going through a time like that, where you feel like your world is ending, then you know that talking to your loved ones and looking for advice about the situation can either do a lot of good… or it can make things even worse.
The worst advice ever to be given when feeling down, or even downright depressed, is to “just get over it.”
Why This Advice Can Make You Feel Even Worse
When you’re told to “just get over it,” it feels as if your feelings about what you’re going through have been invalidated. As if you have the power in that moment to just not be affected by the situation.
How many times have you been told to “just get over it?” And does it work? My guess is no, because based on my humble human experience, all it does is make me feel like that person who gave me that “advice” just doesn’t understand the situation from my perspective. I leave the conversation feeling not only like that person doesn’t understand how I feel, but also that they think my difficult situation might not actually be so difficult to deal with. Which is really crummy.
So how can you actually get over something, then, that’s upsetting you?
How to “Get Over it” and Move on
Learn to Get Through it, Not Over it
Ever heard of how the only way out is through? It holds true for getting through difficult situations of any kind. Trying to hold in the feelings and pretend that you’re not upset won’t make you feel better.
Instead, work on just being in the moment of feeling upset. Let yourself feel every emotion that you’re feeling, and validate the feelings by telling yourself “I feel __ and that’s okay.”
Bottom line is, every person experiences a multitude of emotions throughout the course of life, and all feelings have value. If you’re not feeling, then you’re not truly living, so take a step back for 10-15 minutes (or more) to give yourself the space to feel however it is you feel.
Gain Some Perspective
Look, I wish that you could just sit for a few minutes alone on the couch, feeling your feelings, and then boom! You feel good as new! You’re no longer upset! Sorry, but that alone doesn’t usually cut it.
Instead, ask yourself the questions: “Is this going to matter to me one week from now? How about a year from now? Five years from now?” By asking yourself this, it’s easier to put your situation into perspective, and remind yourself that what right now feels like the end of the world, probably won’t make you feel that way sometime in the future.
I can give you a prime example of this: during one of my first jobs, my boss always assigned me to do the tasks that no one wanted to do. Meanwhile, my sister, who I referred to the company so we could work together, never got assigned these tasks. One day our boss came up to me and told me that I should be more like my sister and have her work ethic.
I was so livid that I felt like quitting right then and there, and I stewed about it for over a week, but then I was finally able to take a step back and realize that “you know what, in a couple months when I’m done with this job, her comments about me aren’t going to matter anymore.” And if I had to tell you the exact words that my boss said to me that day, I wouldn’t be able to because it doesn’t matter to me anymore and hasn’t for a long time.
Let Time be Your Best Friend
Time helps make difficult situations easier. On day 1 of any hard experience, it feels like your world is crashing down. On day 2, it probably still feels that way. And maybe the same with days 3, 4, 5, etc. But after 7 days, 14 days, 21 days, a few months? It probably feels like you can manage the situation at least a little easier.
With every second, minute, day, week, month, and year that goes by, remind yourself that you’re one step closer to not being so affected by what happened. Remind yourself that it’s in the past and it’s only gonna keep being there and getting even more distant.
At the end of the day, learning to get through it, gaining some perspective, and letting time be your best friend are tried-and-true strategies to help feel better and move forward from a difficult situation. Remember, too, that even when your friends or family tell you to “just get over it,” that they mean well, and that they want you to feel better.
I’d love to hear what strategies have helped you get through tough times, let me know in the comments and as always, until next time, xoxo.
P.S. If you’d love even more strategies about how to weather the storms of life and more, I highly recommend subscribing to Eric Barker’s “Barking Up The Wrong Tree” newsletter.